The Bashment Phenomena: Attendance

We said we'd bring it, and here it is.

If you remember our previous Bashment Phenomena post we talked about all the nut (_!_) party themes, headlines, and flyers that people concoct for a quick buck. Thanks to the easily accessible Photoshop and the new wave of youtube tutorials, everyone is suddenly a marketing and event planning pro. POSH!

End result? We end up with Nonsense Ent. presents the Foolery Edition hosted by the Sheep Crew. Ladies free before 11:22PM, and $4.99 after + tax. Shout out to the WHOLE alphabet.

*SMDH*

But can you REALLY blame these party "planners" and promoters? The question isn't why do they do it, because we all know why. The real question is WHY DO PEOPLE GO?

Throw a half naked chick and some words on a flyer and people flock; they'll sell their grandmother and knock over the local liquor store to make sure they have money for the perfect outfit and cover charge for the night. BUT substitute that naked girl with an AIDS ribbon and change "Affair" to "Fundraiser" and suddenly everyone is broke with a prior engagement - watching paint dry, ironing the sheets, walking the cat, etc.

Most events have now resorted to tricking people into caring. It's sad really.

Exhibits A and B

Last year the ladies of the AKA hosted and fashion show. In addition to the big fun promised, this was also a socially aware event. But notice how the first flyer makes NO mention of such. And the second flyer, at the very bottom, in barely legible font, they state that a portion of the proceeds are to benefit he Breast Cancer Research, accompanied by a small pink ribbon. Why is this the "fine print" of the event? Even the name/contact info of the guy who designed the flyer is more visible?

Another Greek family also hosted a socially aware event, however the Alphas chose AIDS Awareness.

Exhibit C

Although the cause is more vivid on the flyer, it seems randomly placed as though to say "o yeah, we care about something too, so now you should really come."

I get it - it's a catch 22. You want to support a good cause, but you also want to drive a crowd. But have we really gotten to a point where spread eagle is more appealing than the fight against domestic violence? We've evolved so much on a macro level - we actually have an African American president; but on a micro scale, we've regressed into a time where it's more fun to "chuck and jive" than to donate and save.

The Bashment Phenomena: Promotion

A party is defined as a social gathering, in which a host (or hosts) invites individuals to eat, drink, socialize, and/or dance. Parties typically follow some sort of theme, or have some sort of purpose - a private celebration or a public affair. Regardless of the reason, the end result is always the same - to have fun!

If you're an 80's baby, you more than likely remember the bashments & house parties of back in the day - no bells & whistles - strictly music, food, and fun, or what us "uppities" call "A Party"! You told your friends, they told their friends, and within 24 hours, the word spread like wildfire and you had a jam packed living room/basement/back yard/etc. But nowadays, this just isn't enough for people. We need catchy headlines, bright colors, naked girls, funky themes, blah blah blah - all in hopes of being original and exclusive and profitable (this is America people & there's always a bottom line). However, where do we draw the line at creating a memorable event - one that's original - and just producing recycled crap?

HEADLINES
The headline or "name" of a party generally sets the tone for what you can expect. After hearing (or reading) the name, you get an idea of what you'll be getting yourself into.

Example: Becky's Birthday Party. You read this and automatically come to a few conclusions, one being that it's clearly someone's birthday.

But, of course, that would be TOO EASY. So instead we end up with the following:

1. GOOD BYE [08] :: NEW YRS EXPLOSION
2. GOODBYE '0H8, HELLO '0GR9
3. HOLIDAY SPLASH....POP CHAMPAGNE EDITION
4. BLACK, GREY, AND A HINT OF PINK PARTY
5. I AM KING
6. I KNOW WHAT GIRLS LIKE
7. LONG ISLAND TAKEOVER PT.2
8. WHO GOT THE JUCIE 2
9. WHATS YA FETISH?? PT.2
10. WHAT UP MY O.B.A.M.A
11. NEVER MIXED BUSINESS WITH PLEASURE
12. TEASE ME TAURUS, & LICK IT REAL GOOD PARTY
13. COME LICK IT LIKE A LOLLIPOP
14. CASH,STYLE, & HEAVY

Can someone please translate these? - because despite my self-proclaimed diva-tude, I find myself lost to the negro socialite lingo.

I can get over the spelling and grammatical errors (spell-check is your friend, people), but let's actually think about what they're saying (or NOT saying)...

• Why must every party be an "edition", "affair", "explosion", "bash" or the like? What's even more infuriating is the misuse of these words. See Event #3. An edition usually denotes it as being part of some collection. So unless the "Holiday Splash" has a "Pour Wine" or "Devour Beer" Edition, the phrase "Pop Champagne Edition" is completely inaccurate. And Heaven forbid, there isn't any Champagne popping, well now we're entering the territory of false advertising, but we'll touch on that later.
• The color parties (see Event #4). What constitutes a "hint of pink" - especially for an event whose title begins with "all black"? If it's "ALL" anything, no more colors are necessary, let alone "a hint" of something. The flyer could have 20 hints of pink, but is it needed in the name? NO! And take note of the inconsistency on the 2nd flyer - "Black Gray & Pink Party" versus "All Black Gray and a Hint of Pink Party".

DESIGN/LAYOUT
Flyers are intended to market the party - being creative and at the same time, informative.
The 5Ws absolutely MUST be covered - who, what, when, where, and why - so that after reading the flyer, the potential guest isn't left dazed & confused, but instead has a clear idea of what they'll be attending and all relevant information. BUT in an attempt to provide information or be innovative, many event promoters/planners/etc. go overboard.

The above examples are all guilty of the same crime - TOO MUCH PRINT! In addition to the basic event flyer information - host, name of event, venue, admission, time, contact, entertainment - these flyers have shout-outs, a roster of contacts and hosts, multiple birthday celebrations, and MORE shout-outs. Um...but why though? After sifting through ALL that print, then turning to page 2 of the essay, what information is really obtained? I do, however, know that names of every DJ in the tri-state area; I have a WHOLE new address book with all the contacts that are listed; and I finally know when it's "Craig & 'em" birthday.

What a flyer may lack in words, it compensates with girls, celebrities, graphics, entourages, and whatever else their Photoshop may allow (to be discussed later).

This flyer decided to fore go the big catchy headline & event name, so you know exactly what you'll be attending: a New Year's Day Event (I refuse to say "explosion"...).

But all the lights and swirls - are they a must-have? Please don't misunderstand - it isn't a BAD flyer, and compared to many of the flyers in this post, this is actually AMAZING.

This flyer, although is guilty of using sex to sell, still manages to be tasteful (I use that termly loosely) in terms of graphics. But it loses cool points for the name.

If you absolutely must have a party that uses words like "fetish" then the big booty naked girl should be the first thing I see, NOT the average looking guy in a suit. Whose fetish is he? Not I, said the cat!

Moral of the story: if you're going to be sexy, BE SEXY! If you're going to be classy, be CLASSY! Although many of these parties use these terms recklessly (grown & sexy, classy, chic, etc), the reality is one is NOT synonymous with the other.

These flyers are on the chopping block for 2 reasons:

1. the girls: the creators of flyer #2 must not have read my memo re: if you're going to be sexy, BE SEXY!! The creators of flyer #1 got my memo, but sexy does not mean go crazy with the airbrushing & photoshop.
2. the battles: soca versus reggae is an acceptable battle. BUT "pum pum shorts versus mini skirts" and "reggae versus hip hop"???? I really don't know how I feel about flyer #2 right now. This is a flyer that needs a contact list so I can call someone and express my disgust & disapproval. First off - reggae and hip-hop have absolutely NOTHING to do with one another. At least reggae and soca both originate from the West Indies, and their cultures are very closely related. But to compare Jay-Z to Sean Paul is nothing short of ridiculous! Secondly - why are articles of clothing battling one another? I'll just let that question sit with you for a bit; and if after 30 seconds of thought, you haven't seen the problem, please click the "x" at the top of your web browser, because you're an ignorant negro.

The Lollipop Edition?? The Lollipop Edition of what exactly?? O but this "edition" has trophies - lollipops! O Joy!! *rolls eyes twice for emphasis*

And if you're scratching your heads trying to figure out where you know the crotch young lady on the flyer - it's because she's Nicki Minaj and this picture is originally from her 2008 mix tape: Sucka Free.

How original - the flyer was stolen from a mixtape which was stolen inspired by none other then Lil Kim. De ja vu isn't it.

This serves as the perfect segue into the next point:

WHO'S ON THE COVER
Similar to the flyer above, many designers find their inspiration in previous designs. But like any good plagiarist (please, for all you simpletons, this is a real word), their source always gets revealed.

What's sadder than recycling your average "flyer" model, is recycling a celebrity who has nothing to do with nothing - they won't be at the event (or even in the state half the time) nor would they endorse HALF of the foolishness that these events are about. And if YOU can use a celebrity image or likeness, why wouldn't you think someone else can & will? The GREAT thing about google searches is that they tend to have multiple pages. Go past page 3, people!

Are we noticing some sort of theme? Does Meagan Good really party that much?

Let's take a moment to recognize the celebrities who have taken the time out of their busy schedules to party with the little people.

Now say it with me people: FALSE ADVERTISING.

Take special note to the last flyer, featuring Young Jeezy. A recession is typically defined as

a period of reduced economic activity (for all you ignorant negroes, that means WE'RE POOR!!),

so inquiring Uppities want to know why has it suddenly turned into an excuse to drop it like its hot?

THEMES
When did fiscal crisis and politics become cool? I get it - life mimics art, and vice versa, but a club bashment isn't art therefore using the recession, bail out, election, inauguration, etc. as just another mediocre attempt at being original.




Where do I even begin?

1. Martin Luther King won't be at anyone's "jump off" and why would such a distinguished figure be placed in the same context? That's nothing sort of disrespectful.
2. I enjoyed Notorious BIG just as much as the next person. However, to draw some parallel between him, MLK, and Barack Obama is ABSURD, to say the least.
3. If the country is in a recession, and industries are continuously begging for bailouts, why do we have enough disposable income for parties and the like?
4. OBAMA will NOT be there! Take him OFF the flyer!
   

Finally when all else fails, put your "homies" on the flyer. I mean why wouldn't I want to see "Craig & em" ALL over an event flyer - even if they won't be there and it isn't their event?

So what have we learned? Aside from the fact that any Tom, Dick and Harry Ent. can throw a party? We've learned that all the technological advances that have been made have only provided the catalysts for the foolishness that I've presented. Programs such as Photoshop & Illustrator have become so easily accessible that people feel that they are suddenly experts in design. Social Networking sites such as Myspace & Facebook have made event promotions easier than necessary. Yet people still don't utilize these tools to the full capacity.

Example: Why clutter a flyer with 810 words, when you can provide the contact information in a Facebook event or Myspace bulletin? Why use something as sophisticated as Adobe CS4 and not even bother to even acknowledge the spell-checker function?

But then again, as an Uppity Negro, I'd be asking for entirely too much.

What's saddest, is that these are the type of events that people insist on attending. God forbid, someone is hosting a socially aware event - but that is for a later post.