Vent on New York City: Train Etiquette

I've decided that once people are christened as "new yorkers" a chip is embedded into their brain's control center causing them to be a jerk; oh but not any ol' jerk - mm mm - but one that exceeds all jerk expectations; they excel at what it means to be a jerk. At the risk of sounding arrogant and non-patriotic I must say that if NY was blown up & built from scratch, NY 2.0 couldn't possibly be any worse.

There's a laundry list of grievances to bear with me people.

• Move To The Back of The Bus: maybe many of you are still suffering from "Rosa Parks" syndrome and see sitting in the back of the bus as taboo, but I promise you it can't be any worse than crowding around the entryway. I can't even count how many times train or bus doors would open and it's packed beyond belief; no one can get in or out or move comfortably. Yet as the train/bus pulls off, I see nothing but wide open spaces in the middle of the train cars, or the back of the bus. Yet people look at me like I'm crazy for excusing and pushing my way to the back. Don't turn sour when I get a seat, as you're still playing kissy face up front with 30 strangers. People insist all cluttering the doorways, but wonder why they get pushed and shoved and tossed around.
• If You Don't Want to Get Pushed, DRIVE: why do people insist on getting upset when they get pushed, pulled, or stepped on while travelling during rush hour? Ignoring the simpletons who simply won't move in, there are certain peak hours where the buses and trains are inevitably crowded. Catch an attitude if there's only 5 of you aboard, and you get your new Puma's scuffed. But if it's 5:30PM, prepare to be touched. And if you absolutely can't deal, then guess what - public transportation IS NOT for you. Leave the attitude at the turnstyle and get over yourself.
• Fat People, Don't Do It: Don't you just love when there's only a slither of seat available, and some 200+ pouind individual feels as though they can miraculously fit themselves into the seat? If you know that you require 2 seats (minimum) - DON'T DO IT! Why must 2 unsuspecting passengers besubjected to your pushing and be made uncomfortable because you're too lazy to stand?
  
• What is the Real Purpose of the Emergency Brake: Now we've all had those moments when we're on the train and we think we're about to die. Shit happens - people get sick. But pulling the emergency brake isn't equivalent to waving a magic wand and making itall go away. Because not only are you now still sick, you're now sick in a tunnel, with a bunch of pissed off strangers who have somewhere to be. Don't inconveneice the rest of the train car because you're menstruating. THank goodness buses don't have those! WHEW!
• Your Lateness is Your Problem: Just the other day I was on the 3 train, and this woman was stomping her feet and clapping her hands as though she was at some sort of Greek ALliance Step COmpetition. SHe began cussing and just having an all out fit. WHY? Because the train doors weren't closing (move ALL the way in people) and the train was delayed. Although I can understand her frustrations - we all have places to be - but having a tantrum for 5+ stations is not going to make the train go any faster. ALl you've succeeded at doing is annoying your neighbors. And Heaven forbid you're on a bus - the driver isn't going to fly past every stop, through all the red lights, just so you can make it in time to your booty call. If you were in that much of a rush, you should've left your house sooner. Either way, it's a personal problem.
• Fatties, Sickies, Mommies, Old Folgies: say it with me people - ACCESS-A-RIDE!! Not that I am insensitive to any of the aforementioned but let's be real - your presence on the train is an inconvenience, and isn't this country based on the principle that we adhere to the needs of the many? The fatties either squeeze their way into seats or force us to have to go around them to get anywhere (9/10, they're part of the people who WON'T move in); the sickies are pulling emergency brakes and spreading their germs everywhere; the mommies are on there with their 20 kids and 5 strollers, taking up all sorts of space, while their offspring is screaming up a storm and throwing their toys around; and the old folgies move at about 2 miles an hour and absolutely must sit down, as though no one else has sore feet or arthritis or fatigue.

I can go on and on about the people who board with their bikes (RIDE IT); or the homeless whose stench takes up a whole train car; or the high school kids who insist on behaving like baboons on ecstasy; etc. etc.

But the reality is when you live in NY you have to contend with the fact there common decency is about as common as a solar eclipse. To be in this city, you'd have to have more than "thick skin" and patience; you'll need a deep fear of the prison system to not murder someone on the bus or train.